You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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