My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
