oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
