you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
