I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
birth control should be required to get into college
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can I color on your dick again?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
