if you like me you must not know who I am
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Houston, we have a squirter
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
