Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize