I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
