So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
