just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
