when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
