Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The maid of honor just puked.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
