You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize