shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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