she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
