Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
