That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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