It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
