Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
3pm strippers are depressing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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