we have pet lesbian snakes
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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