Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
