3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
