Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
