Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
