She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
