Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
