I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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