We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
