i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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