I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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