Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
