I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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