No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
