Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
