When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
