ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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