perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
