You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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