i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
