She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
