I want to make a zoo with you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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