On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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