I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
