So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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