i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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