so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize