my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
