I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize