Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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