Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
