My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
