I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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