guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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