is your mom at the bar?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
