my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
