I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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