my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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