I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
