This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
