Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
