The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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