PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
