I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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